Boy, I'm confused. We went to this wedding last night, and boy was it a HUGE WEDDING. It went ON AND ON AND ON, lots and lots of songs and music and prayers and candles and flowers and presents and lights and decorations and 8 bridesmaids, 8 groomsmen, they even rolled out the white carpet...DANG! Well, the girl that got married is almost 21 years old, and has known the guy she married last night since 1999. Well, they had never so much as KISSED the first time until at the altar following "You may now kiss your bride." And it was obvious. She acted like she didn't even know how to turn her head to kiss, and then afterwards she turned around to look at the audience with this giddy, sheepish, girlish grin, and everyone chuckled.

Do not get me wrong...if you CHOOSE to save yourself until marriage, including your lips, fine...that is a wonderful thing...RARE, but wonderful. But from my understanding, she has lead such an extremely sheltered life, she probably doesn't even know what sex IS.

I cannot pinpoint where, when or how I learned what sex is...it's like somehow I just KNEW. I don't know, maybe I watched too much TV and it all just absorbed into my brain without me realizing it. I'm just thinking...and maybe some or most of you can relate...when I got to be a certain young teenage age, I had natural curiosities and feelings caused by something floating around in my body called hormones. Not only THAT, but when I started giving in to certain things like kissing boys and other such things, I already had an idea what sex was. And it didn't matter how much my parents tried to shelter me, I still found out about things from many other sources.

Not only THAT, but when I was in my first and only SERIOUS relationship (before I met Michael), we were together 3 years, and it took me a LONG TIME to get over a certain amount of shyness. Yeah, I admit, I was a bad girl...but it's not like the first time we kissed, I felt brave enough to hop in the sack with him...not by ANY means!!! I wasn't THAT bad! So I'm thinking, if last night at the wedding altar was the first time they ever kissed, will it take like months before she gets up enough guts to have sex, and that being once her new husband has to explain to her what all it involves? Does she KNOW where babies come from?

It's just such a thought provoking question.

We saw lots 'o babies last night. Not only did we see our Pastor's new baby (she was SO SWEET...I want a baby girl!!), we also saw my sis-in-law's baby kitties. Her cat had 5 babies about 4 weeks ago, and Michael dragged me in there to see them to try and change my mind about wanting a cat. I am NOT a cat person, and I don't want little razor sharp kitty claws damaging what few nice things I DO have. But then Terri said something about taking them to the pound, and I'm like NOOOOOO! So out of PITY, and NOTHING MORE, I agreed to take one off her hands. We already picked out a name and everything. We just have to wait 'til they're 6 weeks old before we can bring one home.

But then that takes us to the next dilemma. The week we'd be able to take her is the same week we are going on vacation. Now Terri COULD hold onto her for another week while we're gone, BUT the only problem is that Terri is going to be gone for 5 weeks on some job training in Minnesota. So basically, she has NO ONE to look in on the cats or her dog. The dog can go to the kennel, no problem, but the cats, well, that's a different story. We NEED to find SOMEONE that can go to her house every day for that one week WE are going to be gone, to look in after those cats and make sure they are eating and stuff. OR we need to find someone (besides the pound) that will take the mama cat AND her babies, for that one week, until we get back from vacation. Talk about bad timing. The week we are leaving for vacation is the same week she is leaving for her job training, and she was wanting us to look in after her animals while she's gone. ANY suggestions would be appreciated, because we don't wanna see those kitties go to the pound, and no, we can't change our vacation plans because we'll lose a lotta money. So, anybody want 6 cats?

Our Pastor's wife had her baby yesterday afternoon...YAY! She had an 8 lb. baby girl! We are going to go see her tonight after Michael takes his last final,(although Michael SNUCK to the hospital last night to see her BEFORE me...he claims that he wanted to see her BEFORE I got there and started getting all weepy).

I can't BELIEVE she had that baby with no epidural. Am I just a WHIMP or something? I'm sorry, but when I went to the hospital to have Travis, as soon as they got the pitocin going in my IV (stuff that makes you start having contractions), I was having BAD contractions within like 5 minutes, and I was like "Ummm...can I please have my epidural now?" Actually, it was MORE like..."MICHAEL!!! FIND THE NURSE NOW!!! DRUGS...I NEED THEM...NOW!!!" Well, okay, maybe it was somewhere between the 1st one and the 2nd one, lol, but I had to do my Hollywood skit. But anyway, she said it hurt really bad and she was crying the whole time, and then when the baby was born, she couldn't even cry for happiness because she was all cried out.

Now onto my next thought, you know what REALLY makes me mad? EVERY TIME I hear about someone I know having a baby the RIGHT way, it makes me feel like a failure. I had BOTH of my babies via c-section, and that makes a lot of women feel like they failed. I mean, with Jacob, I pretty much had to have a c-section with HIM because I had a c-section with Travis, and the two pregnancies were really close together. Plus, my blood pressure was really bad, so it probably would've caused me to have a massive stroke to try and have a normal labor with Jacob. But with TRAVIS? In my heart, I feel like the c-section may have been unnecessary. In hindsight, I think, "Okay, was my doctor just trying to make a couple extra thousand dollars to buy his kid an extra nice birthday present?" I mean, seriously. With Travis, I was induced at first, which I also think was unnecessary...they induced me 6 days BEFORE my due date, and this was my first baby. Why didn't my doctor just wait and see if I would go into labor on my own like at my actual due date? Of course, back then, I was so miserable and ready to get that baby out of me, I didn't even THINK about saying, "Wait!" They say if you are induced, your chances of having to have a c-section are VERY high. Well, I was induced, and I honestly don't believe Travis was quite ready to come out of me. I only dialated to 6 cm, and then my labor was a complete flop. And the doctor kept saying that baby was still "too high" like he hadn't really dropped yet. All of this after pitocin and them breaking my water for me. I was having contractions, but they were doing NOTHING to keep my labor going. So after your water is already broken, it's not like they can send you home, and Travis was basically stuck there, and you can't just leave a baby in there like that, so of course then they had to do a c-section. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining...I had a healthy baby, and c-sections really aren't that bad. But that still doesn't change the fact that I feel like a failure. And I never got to experience actually giving BIRTH. I was numbed up from head to toe, strapped to a table, and cut open and the baby was pulled out. Part of me says "Maybe it's a good thing that medical science has perfected the c-section, or I may have been one of those women in the 1800's that died during child birth." But I don't really think so. If my doctor had allowed nature to take its course, I probably would've gone into labor on my own and had no problems. There's nothing I can do about all of this now, but it still makes me mad, and when I hear of all these other women I know that just popped out babies like it's a fun little game, it just makes me DEPRESSED. What gets me, is that I know of like 3 in the last couple months that had their baby with no pain meds whatsoever, and then they talk about it the next day in their chipper, perky voice, "Oh, it really wasn't that bad at all!" I guess the saying "You forget the pain of childbirth when you hold your baby for the first time," is true. I didn't feel a THING when mine were born, but OH BOY, when I stood up from the hospital bed for the first time, I was defitely feeling things I didn't want to feel, and for the next 2 weeks or so. I guess I may as well give it up. I'm never going to experience child birth the way it's supposed to be. :(

And when I go see the new baby girl today, I'm going to want one, and that is never going to happen EITHER!

:::YAWN:::......

And good morning!

Man, I'm SLEEPY! I must go get a 2nd cup of coffee before I go any farther. (or is it further?) BRB.

Okay, back...

I had this dream last night that seems to have lasted the WHOLE TIME I was asleep. I went to bed early (earlier than usual) last night, and at one point, Michael woke me up (tried) to ask me where the vacuum was so he could suck up a smooshed goldfish cracker in the carpet in the living room. But I don't even remember him asking me that...I must have passed out as soon as my head hit the pillow. I fell asleep watching this weird/creepy show, "Venom ER", and it was about this kid that got bit by a Black Widow. He said he put on his sandal and the spider apparently was in his shoe and it bit him between two of his toes. OMG!! See, now THAT RIGHT THERE is why I have always checked the inside of my shoes, turned them over, beat them against stuff, etc. before putting my feet into them! For some reason, I have ALWAYS had a fear of putting my shoes on and there being a bug in them. :::SKIN CRAWLS::: I mean, C'MON, hasn't this kid seen "Arachnaphobia"?

Anyway, onto this dream. I dreamed that I started this new job, working for a bank. It was an overnight job monitoring computer operations or something. Well what was so confusing was that this job actually took place at my PARENTS' house, and my sister and mom worked there, too. Talk about a family operation. The only thing was, we had a boss we had to answer to, that mostly just called in for us to brief him as to what was going on. And we had to wait for his phone call to tell us we could go home for the night. WELLL, the phone call never came. It was on a Saturday night, and in my dream, I KNEW I had to get some sleep because I had to be at church the next morning to play piano. My Mom went and got in her bed, and my sister fell asleep on the couch, and they left ME up to do all the work. I kept waiting for the phone call from the boss man, and it was now like 5 a.m. and still nothing, but I knew I couldn't just go to sleep like my mom and my sister did. So I spent the next little while looking at some of the computer equipment, checking wires and stuff to make sure everything was plugged in, and it dawned on me that as long as we were ONLINE, we COULDN'T GET any phone calls!!! So the boss probably had tried to call, couldn't get through, and went to sleep himself. (the jerk!) So I took it upon myself to go home, too. Except I was supposed to go to Michael's parent's house to spend the night, for whatever reason. By the time I got there, it was daylight, and I knew if I went to sleep, I wouldn't be able to wake up for church. Michael had just woke up, and I told him that I got like NO SLEEP the night before, and he told me to sleep for a couple hours, but I told him just to make me a big pot of strong coffee. Then I woke up, and it was really like time to get up! I seriously think that dream lasted all night, and I really did feel like I had gotten NO SLEEP!! I guess that would explain my extreme tiredness this morning. I think I'm going to go lie....back....down....ZZZZZZZZZZZ..........

All I'm gonna say right now is...

Ya know, if you didn't at least CALL your Mother on Mother's Day (if she's still living and able to get phone calls), that's really lame!! She's your MOTHER for crying out loud! I don't care if you've had differences in the past, or you don't always agree with everything your Mother says. She gave birth to you, fed you, clothed you, sheltered and protected you, and tried her best to do what she thought was right in raising you! You may have not had the money to buy her anything, but a phone call, or even better, the joy of your presence, would've been nice. They don't call Mother's Day the most traveled day in America for NOTHING!!

To all you Mothers out there that read this, Happy Mother's Day! It was a wonderful day for me. I don't think I've quite gotten used to the fact that it's one of MY holidays now, too, but I think I can get used to it. Michael gave me a beautiful corsage this morning, and what was so neat about it is that it matched my outfit exactly! How in the world did he know what I was going to wear for church today? LOL It was a double corsage, so it had two pink orchids, and they had darker pink spots inside them, which was the exact same flower on my skirt...very weird, but very awesome! Pink is totally my color this spring. Needless to say, Michael was very proud of himself for picking it out. Then Travis walked into the bathroom where I was getting ready for church and handed me Season 3 of "Friends" on DVD...TOTALLY YAY...now I have Seasons 3 & 4 in my collection...now all I need is 1, 2, 5, 6 &! 7...is THAT all? After church me, Michael and the kids went to Perkins with our Pastor, his very pregnant wife that almost had the baby last night (they sent her home...false labor), and their daughter, to have lunch. Then we spent part of the afternoon with my Mom and I gave her some smell-good stuff. Then we went back to church, and then we went to Walmart to get a few things to eat. THEN Michael gave me a beautiful throw blanket (I'm a blanket NUT) that has my favorite quote on it..."When God closes a door, He always opens a window." The colors and flowers on it match my couch, too, so it's totally awesome and super sweet!!! My baby is so sweet...my husband, that is. :-) So now I have lots 'o' Friends episodes to watch and a big blanket to snuggle under!