I have some exciting news, though some of you that know me will be really surprised. On July 19, 2005, I asked the Lord to come into my heart and save me. The most common response I received was "Saved?!?!?!" My family, friends from church, etc., thought I was already saved. Actually, for quite some time, I thought I was saved. Back in August of 1999, I made a profession of faith, yes, and I was baptized yes, but that profession was nothing more than words coming out of my mouth, because a Pastor put me on the spot in his office and made me feel like I had to do it right then. Yes, I have KNOWN about Jesus Christ and how He died on the cross for our sins...I have had a head knowledge for a long, long time, but never a HEART knowledge until 2 days ago. When I prayed the "prayer" in 1999, I was not dealt with by the Holy Spirit, I was not convicted of my sin, it was more or less someone else putting the words in my mouth. But at that time, I thought that was all I had to do. It was put to me something like this, "If you want to go to heaven when you die, then you need to take care of this right now before you leave this church and go home. Something could happen to you on your way home." And I believed him. Which by all means, IF the Holy Spirit is dealing with you, I beg you not to go ANYWHERE until you get it settled.

With that being said, this is how I knew that I was still lost and on my way to hell. (And I pray that if you are struggling in this same way, that my testimony will be an encouragement to you.) About 2 months ago, we went to a Camp Meeting, the one that we go to twice a year every year. I don't even remember the message that was preached or who was preaching, but all I can remember was that the Lord was dealing with me SO STRONGLY that I needed to get saved, almost to the point of giving in right there and making my way up to the altar as quickly as possible. But I decided not to, and decided to just talk to my Father-in-law right after church. Did I talk to him after church? No. I put it off because I kept telling myself, "I'm already saved...I got saved back in '99, didn't I?" I thought maybe Satan was making me doubt my salvation. But what I was going through was not just doubts...what I was dealing with was the Holy Spirit telling me to come to Jesus. Then several weeks ago when our church had our week-long Revival, Bro. B.N. Nichols preached, and he showed us a video on the rapture. A video I should have been excited about, I couldn't get excited about. I was SCARED of being left behind. I have even had nightmares about being left behind. I'd wake up in a panic, and look over on Michael's side of the bed to make sure he was still there. During the invitation at church the last couple Sundays, I was not 100% sure without a shadow of a doubt that I was on my way to heaven. The thing that was preventing me the most from getting saved was the fact that I was worried about what everyone would think. There I was, a church member, the piano player for church, a Sunday School teacher, my husband called to preach, and I wasn't even saved. It was like I was living a lie or something, just going through the motions, walking the walk. I've even written songs about Jesus and what He did for me, but the more I sang those songs, I didn't even know why I was singing them. Well, this past Tuesday, the Lord was really dealing with me again about Salvation. I had just gotten off the phone with a friend who told me she was struggling with her salvation, and I was telling her she needed to get it settled, and there I was almost 100% that I WASN'T saved!!! After I got off the phone, I called Michael on his cell phone to ask him a few questions to maybe help put my worries at ease. He didn't know that I was talking about myself...he just assumed I was asking questions about salvation to help out a friend that I was talking to about salvation. I asked him like this, "When a person gets saved, if they pray the sinner's prayer, but they weren't convicted of their sin, do they actually get saved?" He was really swamped at work, and he said he would get back to me, which seemed like an eternity waiting on him to call me back. A few minutes later, the phone rang, and it was my Mother-in-law. I asked her the same question, and her reply was "No, unless the Holy Spirit was already dealing with you about needing to get saved, you can't just pray the prayer and be saved." My response was, "Okay, that's what I thought." So after I got off the phone, I knew I couldn't leave my house without getting it settled. I left the kids in the living room, went in my bedroom, closed the door, knelt beside my bed, and asked the Lord to come into my heart and save my soul. I knelt at the foot of the cross and accepted Jesus as MY Savior...He shed His blood for ME. And once I did that, I felt so relieved and at peace, but also a bit overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed because it's just SO AMAZING to realize that when Jesus was on the cross, He already knew me and the sins that I would commit, and He took care of those sins for ME on Calvary!!! I cannot even think about what Jesus did for me now without getting choked up, and that is something I never had before. My only regret? Putting it off. And for worrying about what anyone else would think. I can't tell you how thankful I am that the Lord kept dealing with me. One of the worst feelings in the world is putting off the Holy Spirit, and the GREATEST feeling in the world is surrendering in obedience to Him.