I am on such a roller coaster spiritually it's not even funny. Is this something every Christian goes through? Does everyone have weak moments just like I do? Everything happens in spurts with me, there's no consistency it seems like. For example, I can go a month reading my Bible every single day, and I know it really helps me and I benefit from it. But then I can get off track, forget to read just one day, and then I go like 2 months straight without reading it, and I do NOT benefit from that. I just want to have a good testimony, and I feel like all eyes are on me, and I've blown it on more than one occassion. I know God has already forgiven me, but it's a really hard thing to forgive myself. I am always happiest when I am living for Him, but somehow I always manage to get sidetracked and do things my way, or do things the way the world says you should do them, and that only leads to more problems, and I know it's wrong, so why do I let it happen? There's this song I've heard more than once called "This Blessed Old Book", and there's one line in the chorus that goes "Sin keeps me from it, and it keeps me from sin." I can't even begin to explain how true that actually is. The Bible is not just a history book or a book of heroes or a fairytale. That book is alive and it is truly powerful. I just need to get back to the basics and realize the world has nothing to offer. Anything I accomplish here will not mean anything, and the only things I can take with me one day are the things I did for God. I will have a lot of answering to do one day, that's for sure.