If you're married, or want to get married sometime in the future, you must read this and give this some thought. I only wish I had been taught this sooner. Maybe I was told some time before I got married and was too giddy to listen.

Marriage is not...I repeat...IS NOT about your own happiness.

If you are united in marriage and your goal is to be the best spouse you can be to the other, then you are in it for the RIGHT reasons. Great for you and your spouse.

If you are united in marriage and your goal is to be showered with as much happiness as you can, then you are in it for the WRONG reasons.

I know it's so easy to do ANYTHING for selfish reasons, but the TRUTH is...and this is a major newsflash...there are going to be times when your spouse will NOT make you happy, so if you go into marriage expecting to be happy all the time, you are in for a rude awakening. Trust me...I receive "rude awakenings" all the time, lol. This is not to say my husband is a bad husband at all...he's not...he's a great husband and I don't believe there is a better mate out there for me. BUT he is human and humans make mistakes...imagine that! And I am 100% positive that I do not always make him happy. Happiness..well..it HAPPENS, but it's not always there. Joy is..well...all the time. Even when times are rough you are still filled with joy and peace and assurance.

There is something called a "Covenant Marriage".

(Yeah, we say the vows before the preacher at the alter, but it's so easy to just repeat the preacher and get lost in everything else that's going on. And if you are really young when you get married like we were, the only thing on our minds probably was what we were going to be doing after the reception. I was giddy, in love, had dreams and wishes and hopes and desires and expectations, and never knew marriage could be "hard". My parents, if they ever had an argument or money trouble or any kind of marriage troubles, I NEVER knew about it. They kept it behind closed doors, so I always assumed married life must be a fairy tale. Then I got married, and BOOM! But again, that is another story, too.)

So back to this "Covenant Marriage". It means you EACH put your own needs aside for the OTHER and take care of that person's physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You nurture their emotions, not break them down in some selfish attempt to have your own personal needs met. And the other spouse does the same in return.

There have actually been Christian studies showing that married couples that participate in "Covenant Marriage" live longer, are healthier individuals, have better sex lives, etc., etc. I don't know about anyone else, but I definitely want all those things...but most of all, a better marriage, a more joyful marriage.

Christian marriages are intended to help each marriage partner to grow in the Lord together.

Now the PROBLEM is when only ONE spouse has committed to this type of marriage, and the other spouse does not. One spouse is giving, giving, giving and his/her life is merely wasted on a person that was in it just for themselves. Like, if the husband is supplying every need to his wife, she's having her every need met and will be happy for awhile, and the marriage will be okay for awhile, maybe even a few years or so. But if she's not supplying the husband's needs in turn, he's going to become emotionally drained, unfulfilled, depressed, and probably not a very good husband eventually, which is going to make the wife unhappy anyway.

Another scenario would be...let's say the wife has been busy in the house all day, taking care of kids, cleaning, doing all the laundry, and cooks a nice meal, is presentable and refreshed with her hair and makeup done, the home is warm and inviting, when the husband returns home that evening from work, she greets him at the door with a smile, a hug, a kiss, and a "How was your day?" and then the first thing he does is barely gives the wife a response and turns on the TV. He hurriedly eats his supper before returning to the TV, while she cleans the kitchen, and then might get to sit down for a short while, gets the kids ready for bed, and is so exhausted she plops down on the couch and soon falls asleep. She has committed her life to her husband and their children, has she not? So that right there will make a woman feel unappreciated, unloved, like everything she worked for that day was for nothing. He barely noticed, or if he did, he offered no compliments. He didn't ask her about her day. He didn't offer any affection. The thing I want to say to ALL husbands out there, or soon-to-be husbands out there, when you walk through the door in the evenings, sure, I know you're tired...wives/moms are tired too...but when you walk through the door each evening, that's not the time to spend hours in front of the TV. That's your time to be the best husband and daddy you can be, and to do everything in your power to let her know how much you really love her and the children. And I promise, if the husband is doing that, as the Bible commands ("Husbands, love your wives..."), then the wife will more willingly, more easily submit (following her command) to him and care for him and meet his needs.

It's all ever so present in the Bible, but unfortunately, too many spouses have the wrong idea of what this means. Yes, the wife is to "submit" unto her own husband, but that doesn't mean the husband can simply spout off orders and demands and force her to obey. It also doesn't mean the wife is going to be unhappy and lose her sense of self if she "submits" to her husband. She will not be unhappy as long as she has a truly loving husband that is committed to her every need 100%, and in return she will have more willingness to do the things she's supposed to do as his wife. Too many people these days talk about "equal partnership" in marriages. Here's more breaking news...in God's eyes, there's no such thing. God has given both the husband/father and wife/mother different roles in a family. Yes, married couples are to discuss together important decisions together, but when it comes down to it, the husband, UNDER GOD'S LEADERSHIP, has the final authority. I'm not old-fashioned, my friends...I'm just going by the Bible.

BOTTOM LINE, If the husband is not under God's leadership, does not go before God in prayer about major decisions, then it makes it VERY hard for a wife to want to trust and follow in her husband's footsteps. If the wife doesn't have that Godly leader in the home, if she's a Christian, she is going to have to carry the burden of being the spiritual leader in the home, and it's not how God intended things to be.

I'm not sitting here saying my marriage is or isn't any of these things I wrote about. I'm just trying to write down what I believe marriage should and shouldn't be. I'm not a marriage expert, that's for sure, and it takes lots of time to perfect marriage, and even then it's still never PERFECT, but it's important to learn and grow and as you go. And always...always put God first. That numero uno.