I feel like crying right now. I just feel like a sentimental slob, and it's because of the website I just looked at. It was of a friend's little girl that had been diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago, and is now in remission. The way she loves her little girl, and has tons and tons and tons of pictures made of her all the time, it just makes me think maybe I don't put enough emphasis on my own children. Like, I'm not sure if that actually makes sense to you.

I take pictures of my kids when I think about it, but I don't have rolls and rolls of film to develop all the time, and lots of albums full. From the time me and Michael have been married up 'til now, I have about 3 albums full of pictures, and a little over 1,000 pictures I took on my digital camera that are stuck here on the computer, and if my computer crashes, I will lose many precious pictures of my babies and my family. And I have probably less video footage of my babies. We have captured their birthdays and Christmases on video, except last year, when I got up Christmas morning, pulled the battery off the charger, hooked it up to the camera, and it had enough juice to last about 5 seconds...battery was old, I guess. And I've taken it outside a few times to catch Travis playing basketball, or video taped him singing and playing his guitar, but other than that, that's it! I mean, most parents (or so it seems) OBSESS over these things. I tell myself all the time though that I'd rather just enjoy playing with them and making memories than worrying over a stupid camera. It's really hard to get in the middle of everything when you're trying to play with cameras. I kind of think about the song by Brad Paisley, "Who Needs Pictures?" Which has some truth to it. But when I get older and my kids get older, are my memories going to fade?

I keep finding myself thinking my kids are always going to be this size, so sweet, so innocent, so adorable. There will come a day where there will be no more Nick Jr., sippy cups, toy trucks, bath time, play time, booster chairs, car seats, etc., and the thoughts of that makes me so sad. I mention this to Michael, and he says "Well it's time to have another baby." But, I can't just keep having babies. The fact of the matter is, my body is only going to allow me to have one more baby, and then I HAVE to get my tubes tide. I kind of want to "save" my final pregnancy for when the kids are much bigger, and I get baby fever again. If I have another baby any time soon, it will just take away time that I have with the kids that I already have.

It's just too bittersweet. Jacob is off the bottle, walking now, won't be very long before he moves to a "big boy" bed, and in a year, we'll probably start potty training. I have taken them for granted. I have let hours and days pass, just going through the motions of being Mom, without really stopping to embrace every fleeting second with them.