Can I expect to be summoned to court now?

I usually don't get the opportunity to sit down to the computer and blog when I'm extremely upset about something, because normally, something that upsets me this bad doesn't happen at home, and by the time I DO get home and get time to write about it, some of the emotion has worn off, so THIS should be interesting...

Here's something else you should know about me: I'm not a pushover. And I feel like if I give in a little, then the next time it will be easier to be taken advantage of, and it becomes one great big snowball effect, and the next thing you know, I'm a dirty, ragged door mat on the front doorstep of a crackhouse down on South Third Street.

After only two, yes TWO, days of babysitting Abby, I am not keeping her anymore, which is probably the best for all, but this morning's events just left a bad taste in my mouth and a churn in my stomach. So lets hit the rewind button to about the last hour or so:

PRESS PLAY NOW:

6:00 a.m. - Alarm clock went off.
6:05 a.m. - I got out of bed.
6:07 a.m. - Turned on coffee maker.
6:08 a.m. - Went to the bathroom.
6:10 a.m. - Brushed hair and washed face.
6:11 a.m. - Poured cup of coffee.
6:12 a.m. - Turned on the TV to watch some news.
6:30 a.m. - Wendy (Abby's mom) arrived with Abby.
6:32 a.m. - Put Abby's bottles in the refrigerator.
6:33 a.m. - Wendy begins to give me some instructions for the day, which included asking me to start feeding Abby her breakfast.

AT FIRST it sounded like she meant just today, like maybe she was running late and didn't have time to give it to her just this morning. So I said that it was okay, even though I didn't necessarily LIKE the idea. But then she started talking about how it's so hard to get Abby out of bed at 5:45 a.m. and how it's really hard just to get her to take her bottle that early in the morning because Abby's still like half asleep. (Ya think? I mean, I didn't even know civilization was awake that early.) Which I told her I understood how hard that has got to be on a baby. (I worked, but fortunately I didn't have to get mine up THAT early.)

So anyway, what really sent off some negative signals in my brain was when Wendy said "Your kids are not even up that early, right? So feeding her her breakfast wouldn't be a problem?" To which I replied, "No, they're not up that early usually".

PAUSE

Okay, so right there, she's giving me something EXTRA to do, on top of all the other things I was doing with her that most babysitters would put their foot down and not do.

PLAY

I then said to her, "Well, the only thing about it is, it's just that I'm not totally awake that early, and when I fed her her lunch yesterday, it took me like nearly an HOUR to feed her 2 half-jars of babyfood." She said "Okay, well I figured you just sat and played with her anyway in the morning, so I thought I might as well get you to feed her her breakfast." And then I told her I didn't really think that would work for me. And then she said "Well I wasn't TELLING you to do it, I was ASKING you if you could" to which I told her "I don't really think I can." And then she said in response to me saying how hard it was for me to get up that early (This is one of the key points of the whole conversation) "You're not backing down on me, are you?" to which I replied "No". And then she asked "So what do you normally do with her in the mornings?"

PAUSE

Just the tone in her voice when she said that made the steam rise up in my chest. Like, she wasn't really looking for an answer...she was saying it in a manner that was demeaning. I mean, what I WANTED to say was "No, I don't have time to just sit and hold her (although I did that MOST of the day yesterday to keep her from screaming) and play with her and do everything a MOTHER is supposed to be doing, and I guaran-dang-tee you I will sit here and do that with MY kids before I tell MY kids I can't play with them because I have to play with a baby that doesn't even belong to me." Any babysitter I know is paid to provide a safe, clean environment and keep the baby from getting hurt, feed him/her, keep him/her happy, keep him/her changed. NOT be a Mother to the baby! A mother's love and time is irreplacable and cannot be bought with a price, and it SURE as heck can't be bought with $70 a week! I mean, when you do the math, I was getting paid $1.55 an hour. But what I really said was....

PLAY

"When she first gets here in the morning, we usually just sit and play with toys in the floor, and when my boys get up, they play with her." Which is true. The last two days, that's what we did until the Scream Fest began an hour later.

And then I mentioned the whole deal about her having to drop Abby off even EARLIER than 6:30 a.m. on mornings that she has morning duty at the school. I asked her if she could get her husband to bring her those days, since just yesterday she told me that her husband doesn't have to be at work 'til 8:30, and doesn't have to clock in, and can get to work anywhere from 8:30 to 10 a.m.

PAUSE

When she mentioned that to me yesterday about her husband, it just really sent off another signal in my brain. I mean, why SHOULD I have to get up SO EARLY if her husband can bring her, and he's not on a timeclock at work? And really, I put it to her in such a way that would be beneficial to the baby (not me) so that the baby wouldn't have to get up SO EARLY, although I'm sure she perceived it the wrong way, and then that's when she started turning into Little Miss Attitude. I also told her that I would always be in my pajamas when she gets here to drop her off, and it was pretty obvious she didn't like that idea either. She DID TELL ME when she interviewed me that she had to choose a sitter NOT based on location, so if she thought I was doing a good job (which she did tell me she thought I was doing a great job so far), then why would she and her husband be unwilling to work with me on that? Throughout this whole conversation, I kept telling her "I'm not trying to be ugly".

PLAY

And then she said "FOR ONE, I work right here (meaning the school right next to me) and it's out of his way for him. He has to drive from Southaven to Horn Lake, then back to Southaven to get on the interstate to drive to work, and that's way out of the way." (All of a stretch of like 4 or 5 miles?) Which is when I suggested him going straight up Horn Lake road, which is the way I went to work every day when I worked downtown. Much straighter shot than going all the way back down Goodman to get on the interstate. And then she said (once again, this is one of the key points of the whole conversation) "Can I even leave her here today?" to which I replied "Yes, that's fine!" And then about then is when she said, "Do you mind if I use the phone to call my husband?" and then I said "Sure, I'll get you the phone" and then she said "I'll just go outside and use my cellphone" and she took the baby outside with her.

PAUSE

I guess by this point she was already thinking I'm psycho or something, since she wouldn't even leave her baby in here while she went to call her husband, although I felt like I was keeping my cool pretty well through that.

PLAY

So while she was outside on the phone with her husband, I went into the bedroom where Michael and Travis were asleep (Michael was awake actually) and told him what was going on. He was totally in agreeance with me that me being given something extra to do was too much to ask of me on what I'm being paid, and he was also in agreeance with me that this probably just wasn't going to work out.

After about 5 minutes, Wendy came back in and asked if I minded if she left Abby here long enough for her husband to come pick up Abby so that she could get to work, and I said "Sure, that's fine." And then she was like "I'm sorry this isn't working out. You need to just keep some older kids." And I told her originally that's what I had wanted to do, but when she called me needing a sitter, I was REALLY needing the money, REALLY, and agreed to do it. I even told her that after our bills are paid, we have like $3 left in the bank, so I was willing to try this. I was going to try it for a week, maybe two, as a trial period...give it some adjustment time...and if it didn't work, obviously I'd have to make a change. And that's when I told her that the whole thing with me writing down her every feeding and diaper change and nap and everything else that she does during the day, doesn't work for me, to which Wendy replied "That's what babysitters do," and I said "Not any of the babysitters I know...Angie wouldn't, Melissa down the street doesn't do that, at least not when she was going to keep my kids, and none of the other sitters I went to church with do that." And then she said "Well that's just different than what I'm used to." And I told her "That's what a daycare is for." And the fact that Abby cannot hold her own bottle doesn't work for me either. And Wendy was like, "What, you can't like feed her and take care of her and love on her?" To which I replied, "Yes, I can feed her and take care of her, but I cannot sit and hold her and give her her bottle while Jacob about nearly fell in on his head in the toy box and I couldn't put Abby down without her screaming. I was terribly afraid that if I let her cry, you would be upset knowing that I had to let her cry." And by that point, Wendy just had nothing to say and said "Thank you." and then "Where's her stuff? Where's her stuff? Where's her bottles? Give me her bag." By this point, I was pretty steamed, too, and when I'm upset, I talk really fast and I raise my eyebrows. plus throw in the fact that I had only had one cup of coffee and it wasn't even 7 a.m. yet. Then she asked me if I could help carry out to her car Abby's supply of diapers and wipes and changes of clothes, and I said "I'm not even dressed, but okay." And I did. And then she asked for a refund. And I told her "No...I kept her for two days (and to me, ONE day of that hell was barely worth $70!!!!) and that I don't even HAVE the money anymore because I had to use part of it to help pay my mortgage. No refunds." And then I reiterated the fact that the I agreed in the first place to keep her because I was in need of the money and that after our bills are paid, we have like literally $3 in the bank. And then she tried to get ugly about the money, and said, "But you backed out on me," (Please re-read bold print above) and I repeated to her that I didn't have the money anymore. I DID NOT back out on her. SHE made the choice not to leave her baby here because I was unable and unwilling to comply with some of her requests, AND she was unable and unwilling to comply with a request of mine. I did offer to keep her for the week or until she could find someone else, and I guess Wendy figured that I didn't want Abby here (which at NO time did I say OR imply that), so she was afraid I'd mistreat Abby, which is SO untrue. I'd never mistreat a baby. So who knows if she's going to try to get the money from me, but can she really take me to court over $70?? I DID keep her for two days, and it was in the original agreement that if I keep her for 5 days or zero days, I get paid the same, except for a few exceptions where we agreed she didn't have to pay me for her holidays from school since she's a teacher. It was ALSO in the agreement that I would give the parent a two-weeks notice if I could not keep the child anymore, and would respect the parent giving me a two-weeks notice in the event my services are no longer needed. I stuck to my end of the agreement by offering to keep her until she could find someone else. She did not stick to the agreement in that aspect. So now who's in violation of the agreement? Thank the Lord I had an agreement in the FIRST place, and I have it in my possession. The last thing she said to me was "Well I'm sorry you are having such a hard time." And then I just couldn't take anymore and I came back into the house without saying another word, and she pulled out of the driveway.

STOP

So that's that. I stood my ground, and for that, I am not ashamed. I did not quit her...she quit me. My first babysitting experience was a flop, and for that, I am disappointed. But no more picky mom, at least not for today! Maybe it's best that it ended this way, because I only sensed things getting worse and worse. She was too picky for me, and I told her such. Sure, I had certain expectations for Travis while I worked, like that he was changed and fed, and fortunately I had family to keep him, so he did get played with, but I also RESPECTED the idea that sometimes, SOMETIMES, baby Travis had to be sat down, because not only did whoever was keeping him have to stop and go to the bathroom sometimes, they had a business to run (the car lot) and they obviously couldn't hold him ALL THE TIME, and God only knows I wanted to up and quit my job and do just that...hold him all the time...but I had to work, so I had to make some sacrifices. But with that being a whole other story, I just hope this is the end of this and I don't hear anything else from her. What's bad is that Wendy works at my Mom's school, and I'm almost expecting a phone call from my Mom this afternoon asking what happened. But my Mom also knows there's 2 sides to every story, and besides, my Mom still needs a house cleaner, so I'll still get some money every week. All is well that ends well, not that the whole babysitting situation ended on a pleasant note, but if she finds some other sitter that meets her child's needs, then wonderful, more power to her! I'm just not that person! I'm not sacrificing my children's happiness for $70 a week, or ANY amount of money, for that matter. If Wendy has so many high expectations for her baby, my advice to her is to either A) Hire a full-time nanny that comes to her house, or B) Quit her job and stay home. I said it before and I'll say it again, you cannot replace a mother's love, devotion, and attention.