Thoughts on Marriage

I was driving down Hwy 51 this morning, heading towards the WIC place, and I popped in my Eagles CD, (Volume I Greatest Hits). What does ANY of that have to do with marriage, you might ask? Well...

On June 17, 2000, Michael and I got married. Who could ever begin to believe that in 3 months, we'll be celebrating 4 years of marriage? I can't believe it myself. So anyway, as I was driving down the highway this morning, listening to the Eagles, I started thinking back to June 18, the day after the wedding, when we drove in Michael's Firebird, which was now collectively OUR Firebird, 8 or so hours to our honeymoon destination, Destin, Florida. I helped do some of the driving, which at the time, I thought was kinda weird. I mean, MY Dad would NEVER make my Mom drive on a road trip ANYWHERE EVER!! So right off the bat, I had expectations and standards as to what I thought the wife should/shouldn't have to do, based off of what I knew was the norm for MY Mom and Dad. But Michael was going to fall asleep at the wheel if I didn't take over, so I did and I popped in my Eagles CD . So we finally made it to Destin. (Thank God I knew how to read a map...something else I thought husbands were supposed to do.) This was a first for both of us...going on a long road trip, without our parents, whom we both had depended upon GREATLY the previous 20 years of our lives. I mean, neither of us had EVER lived away from home, away from our parents, so all either of us knew was how to live under our parents' thumb, have rules, and ask them for money when we wanted something. So this was our first REAL taste of "independence."

Now, was this honeymoon paradise? Well, the location was, yes, but the honeymoon itself, not exactly what I had envisioned most of my life. I mean, it was nice and we had a great time and it's a great way to kick off a marriage, but going to Walmart to buy beach towels being the first thing we did when we got there, lol, that's just not what I pictured, and Michael getting sunburned the first day on the beach and me having to drive BACK to Walmart to get some stuff to slather onto said sunburn, NOT very romantic either. And we ended up renting "Super Star" at the nearest Blockbuster one of the nights we were there, and we ordered a pizza that never came. "Super Star" is not found in the Romance category, in case you hadn't noticed. Heck, after spending all day at the beach or down the road shopping at the outlet mall, we were so exhausted. NO ONE expects to get TIRED on a honeymoon! But even still, we ate at nice restaurants every night, spent alotta money, went driving down along the coast, took long walks along the beach at night, and well, that other thing people are supposed to do on honeymoons. ;-)

I guess what I'm getting at is everyone goes into marriage with certain expectations, desires, dreams, plans, goals, etc., but don't be surprised if things don't go as planned, STARTING with the honeymoon. Just keep in mind the honeymoon is a week long, two if you're really rich and can afford one that long. If you are fortunate enough to go on your honeymoon without getting a flat tire on the way, getting sunburned while you're there, or eating bad food, then at least your first week or so as Mr. and Mrs. will be pure bliss. But as soon as you drag your luggage into your new place together, the real life sets in, almost immediately. It's almost like flipping a switch. This is when the true test begins. Only when this begins is when you will see if your love for each other can really withstand all of these stresses of life. You don't just have bills, jobs, a broken refrigerator and a noisey next door neighbor, you have to learn how to deal with each other.

I've heard the saying, "If you can get through the first 5 years of marriage, you'll be fine." Or some people say the first 10 years. Whatever. Anyway, I can now see how this is somewhat true. The first year or so is REALLY rough. I mean REALLY! Even though you might have dated each other for YEARS, you could always send them home after a date. Not any more. You have to go home with this person now, which is where you will learn all of your spouse's quirks and flaws. This is perfectly normal, although it will make you wonder. But I can truly, honestly say that we are happier NOW in our marriage, after almost 4 years, than we were when we first walked down the aisle. I mean, we have been through some SERIOUS STUFF together and it's made us stronger as individuals and as a couple. We have no idea what the future will bring, and things aren't going to be rosey all the time from here until death do us part, but I do know that we've made it through some things that would probably surprise a lot of you if you knew about it. And everything, for us, has happened in super turbo speed or something. Here's the timeline:

January 22, 1999: We met online.
January 28, 1999: We became official.
January 29, 1999: First date.
July 24, 1999: Got engaged
June 17, 2000: Got married
November 2000: Found out we were pregnant with 1st child.
May 25, 2001: Bought a house.
July 10, 2001: Birth of our first child.
September 2002: Found out we were pregnant with 2nd child.
June 3, 2003: Birth of our second child.

And during all of this, there has been one other marriage in the family, 5 births, 2 deaths, my Dad had triple bypass surgery, I have been through 2 jobs, and became piano player for the church. WHEW! And don't make me count how many cars we've owned. Stress city!!!!!!

So back to my point, we have had many highs in our marriage, and more lows than I care to elaborate on, but it's all part of life. You make the most of it or you sit down and complain about it and drag yourself into a pit of pure negativity. There IS no perfect man, there IS no perfect woman, there IS no perfect marriage, there is no perfect anything, so you take the good with the bad. And ALWAYS, ALWAYS remember why you wanted to marry the person you married in the first place, and if BOTH of you do this, then you will be just fine. There have been times when I wanted to kick Michael out on his ear and pack all his stuff in Hefty bags, and I'm sure he's felt more of the same about me, but if I think about my life without him, I know I'd be lost and empty. Marriage has definitely changed a lot in my life. It pretty much cancelled my PLAN A of getting a college degree FIRST, and for awhile, I was kind of let down by that, just to be honest. I really thought for awhile, "What have I done?" I mean, almost everyone I know told me that getting married at the unripened young age of 20 and having 2 babies would surely ruin my life. Not in those words necessarily, but that's basically what I was told. But instead of letting that discourage me, I will happily resort to my PLAN B and start working on finishing up my degree this fall so that when my babies start school, I can go back to work.

And one more piece of wisdom you should know, is that no matter how tight our money was or how nonexistent our money was, we've always had a roof over our head and food on the table. God has always taken care of us, and for that, we are very, very thankful. You really can't go wrong as long as you let God in the picture.