Candy.24.Wife.Mommy.Pianist.Drummer.Trying to learn guitar.Poet.Songwriter.

10.25.2003

It's Saturday. Exactly one week ago I started this blog monster. If someone had told me one week ago what all would come to pass this week, I would have laughed in their face. Just like that, everything...EVERYTHING changes. A lot of it still doesn't make sense to me and a lot of it probably never will. I know it's hard for a lot of folks to comprehend, but something...SOMETHING good will come out of this. God uses things like this to open people's eyes and to set people straight. (You may disagree, but please, for once, keep your opinions to yourself.) What's sad though is that a lot of times, something like this happens, it has an impact on people, but then a month or so later, everyone is back out there, living like hell, forgetting that invincible is only a word for super heroes.

My problems are so small, almost non-existent at this point, and from talking to some other people, they ALL feel like that. One of my close friends said "All we [she and her husband] ever do is worry about bills." It's all they ever fight about and it has caused a lot of strain in their marriage. And she added, "I just want to hug him and tell him I love him and tell him not to worry about those stupid bills anymore."

I am more than dreading visitation at the funeral home tomorrow. I think I am dreading it MORE for Michael. If I see him break down, how do I keep myself from doing the same? It's like a domino effect. One person loses it, which causes another to lose it, which causes another to lose it, and so on. It's not that no one else is torn up about it except the person that first lost it...it's just that a lot of people try to hold it together, and seeing someone else lose it makes them lose it. I've even seen this happen at weddings, specifically my own wedding. My Dad was the first to start bawling and other people at our wedding said that they were okay until they saw my Dad sobbing on the front row.

That's it for now...more later, maybe.

P.S. I did, in fact, get a few more hours sleep last night. HALLELUJAH!

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